Shameless

Shameless.

Shadow knew himself to be one of the the few who could claim to follow the word in its entirety. He didn't hesitate in killing anyone, and felt practically no guilt after such an action. And if it didn't involve murder, he would use them. Men and women became tools in his hands, used to their extreme. He didn't care for their feelings, nor the loss it would create.

He was shameless.

"Shadow! Are you even listening to me?"

Unfortunately, being guiltless didn't mean others didn't care. You could scare them, haunt them your entire life, and there was still someone who'd care. Who'd try to see you as a friend. And who'd want to change you into someone a bit sociable. In his case, it came in the form of Rouge the Bat.

"The nerve of you, I swear! You're lucky I wasn't asking you what to wear for the party, or else..."

His gaze barely left his book as the bat screamed. He didn't care. He didn't want to go to any party, even if it involved the president. All those that had once mattered were dead, and he didn't give a rat's ass about the living.

"Shadow, stop tuning me out!"

He dragged the bookmark along the coffee table before resting it between the pages and slamming the book shut. He didn't care. He didn't give a damn. But he might as well humor her.

"What do you want?" he asked nonchalantly as he watched her stop pacing to glare at him.

"I was asking you if you knew where the party was being held, and at which hour. I can't find the note I made anymore."

He smirked, "And why should I tell you that?"

One less thing to worry about. If she didn't have the paper, nor the memory, then he didn't have to go. He didn't have to mingle with the trash she called friends. He could stay home, and relax in silence.

He blinked as the book was snatched from his hand, and slammed against the table.

"You should because if we don't show up on time, I'll kick you out," was all she said, a triumphant smirk on her face. Why she... He scowled.

"Amy's apartment. 7 o'clock," Shadow replied as he forcefully took his book back, and began walking out of the living room. No way he'd get dragged to another one of those parties. No fucking way she'd...

"Good, now you better hurry up, or you'll find yourself on the streets tonight."

He froze. And snarled. Damn it. Damn it all to hell.

"Fine," he snapped before going in the direction of his room.

"Do me a favor, behave."

He glared at Rouge as she rang the doorbell before glancing at the watch on her wrist. Hell knew what hour it was. Hell only knew why she had dressed up so fancy when it was only a get together. Maybe she actually intended on making a move on that idiotic guardian. Not that he cared.

"Rouge! You're just on time. Come on in."

He watched as his friend passed the pink hedgehog, not missing the way that finger wriggled for him to follow. He did with a snort, giving only a pacing glance to their host. Amy. The one who had helped him remember, and the most annoying one to boot.

"Hey! The life of the party has just come in!"

He felt his teeth grind at the voice, immediately trying to tune it out as it greeted Rouge. But he couldn't. He heard the footsteps making their way to him all too clearly, and felt the arm swing itself around its shoulders all too familiarly.

"Hey Shads. What'd'you been up to?"

"Get off, hedgehog," he snarled as he pulled away before glaring at the blue hedgehog. That blue idiotic hedgehog. "Don't talk to me."

He quickly reached his usual corner, and watched everyone interact. He watched as Cream giggled and Amy laughed. Watched as Knuckles got more and more flustered at Rouge's flirtatious attempts. Watched as Tails chuckled at one of Vector's multiple jokes. Watched as Espio kept an eye on the hyperactive Charmy who kept buzzing in random patterns. He watched, and snarled.

Tools. All of them. He would just have to say a word, a sentence, and he'd know everyone's opinion, along with how to manipulate them in believing something else entirely. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it to make them leave him alone. He knew each pattern, and what would happen next. And he didn't care. He didn't care what would happen to any of them.

"Hey."

All except one.

"You look bored. You okay?"

There was one person that, no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid off. They always, always found their way under his skin, and let him feel like he was choking. And he knew why.

"Didn't I tell you not to talk to me?" he asked tonelessly as he gave a quick glance to the figure, only to look away the moment their eyes met.

"You know it takes me more than that," the other chuckled before squatting in front of him. And he could already feel himself squirm.

"Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm sure they won't notice too much."

He felt his teeth grind once more. He wanted to refuse. No. He had to. He had to refuse. If he didn't, it would only mean that he blue hedgehog truly had an impact on him. An impact he didn't want.

"You coming, Shads?"

His heart thumped as his hand was taken gently into another, and he felt himself stand. Against his will. He followed the blue idiot as he got out of Amy's apartment, out of the building, to the empty street.

"Now that's better! What do you think Shads?" the blue one chuckled as he leaned over the rail, and gazed at the sea. For all intents and purposes, Amy did have a good apartment. The sea was always a nice view, no matter the time of day.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

He shook his head as he heard the other laugh, turning against the rail to see the apartment.

"Don't steal my thunder, Shads. I'm the one who's supposed to get distracted easily," was added with a quick chortle as the other tried to meet his gaze.

"So, how've you been doing?"

"Just work," Shadow shrugged while joining the idiot along the rail, taking his time at admiring the sea.

"Do you do anything but work? Almost sounds like you don't have a life," the other said with a scowl. "Seriously, Shads. Get a hobby or something."

He let the night breeze play with his quills. Could he? Could he really?

"… I could pick up archery lessons."

He felt the flat look without even turning. The blue one was so predictable, sometimes.

"You already have a perfect aim. That's cheating."

Shadow rolled his eyes, "Fine, then. What should I do?"

"Well," was said before a quick swallow. "You could run with me."

His heart gave another thump as he stared. Stared at the nervous blue hedgehog. Run? With him?

"You're kidding, right?"

The other shook his head, "I'm not. I can't remember the last time we ran for the heck of it. And that's if there was a last time. Feels like it's always for one thing or another, never for the sport."

He felt his insides tremble. And his will break once more.

"Tomorrow?"

Shadow didn't have to look. He could feel the disbelieving stare right next to him. And it took everything he had not to flinch, to turn.

"Nah. Not tomorrow. Tails needs me for flight practice. Built himself a new plane, see? Maybe – Maybe after tomorrow?"

"Ten."

It was already agreed. He couldn't back out. But maybe, maybe it didn't have to be so obvious.

"Six."

Shadow flinched. Visibly. There were times where the blue idiot was predictable, even too much. Yet, sometimes, he would manage to see right through him, and use this to surprise the hell out of Shadow.

"Eight," he conceded, not missing the chuckle.

"It's a date then."

Another flinch. Why? Why was it that everything that idiot said was important? Managed to make him waver without as much as a blink?

He snarled. He knew why. He knew the reasons perfectly. Could recite them one by one in his head if he wanted to. But he wanted to ignore them. If only for a bit longer. If only for the present time.

"Think they miss us?"

He blinked. And turned his head to the blue hedgehog as he stared at Amy's window.

"They'd miss you," mumbled Shadow, only to catch a chortle.

"Why wouldn't they miss you? You're the life of the party."

That did it. He pulled himself away from the rail and started heading back. No way. No way he'd get laughed at or joked about. Not even by him.

"Shadow, wait!"

His feet halted. Without his consent. And his body turned halfway, fists unmoving. He was letting it happen. Again.

"I'm sorry. I'm really a bad joker. I..."

"It's alright. Maybe I should stop taking everything personally," he whispered as his fists unclenched. They had had this conversation before. They had talked about the way he took things a little too personally. And he had agreed to control his temper.

"We better get back," was stated as a hand came to lay on his shoulder. "Everyone is probably wondering where we are."

Shadow's head turned to the blue hedgehog. But he wasn't looking at him. His eyes were trained on the lively apartment above, where everyone was waiting for him. And him alone.

"I think Tails is doing something big in his garage. I can hear weird explosions every day," the blue one chuckled as they made their way back, stopping in front of the door.

"Shads..."

He felt the hand slip into his, and his heart thump against his ribcage once more. He couldn't control those. And it wasn't by lack of trying.

"Why can't you act with the others the way you act with me?"

He bit his inner lip. He knew it was coming. The question appeared every time they had a get together. And he knew the answer. He knew better than anyone else why he was so different. Why, around that blue idiot, there was nothing that he could refuse. Why he couldn't be as calm and centered as he was with anyone else.

But there was no way he could tell.

"I don't know," he said instead, already feeling the saddened gaze.

"Really?" he heard before the sigh. "Really wish you did. It would help."

Not good. He had to distract him before the blue one questioned further.

"Shouldn't we be going in?" Shadow tried as he pointed the door. Maybe that would be enough.

He watched as the blue head turned to the door, a small, sad smile on usually happy features.

"Yeah. Although one last thing."

And his world stopped. Halted mid-turn as those lips mold against his. This is why. This is why he concedes to so much. This is why he's unable to say no.

He feels the gentle pat on his shoulder, his knees nearly giving out from underneath him. His heart thumps against his ribcage almost painfully, and the heat is nearly unbearable. He feels weak. So weak in that warm, gentle hold. But he can't move away.

Lips part, and his body turns cold. More. More.

"See you after tomorrow?"

Fuck.

"Sure," he replied before waving towards the door. "You go first."

"Alright. See you later, Shadow."

The door opened and closed. And he fell to his knees. His hand reached for his lips, only to shudder. They were still burning. They could still feel the ones that had just left.

He stared at the door, breathing ragged. He knew the reason. He knew why this person had so much control over him, and why he just couldn't give a damn about it.

Shadow was shameless. He was the first to admit it. He could manipulate, trick and scam without shedding a tear. He didn't care for the people around him, and could use them at will.

Same for him. He didn't care about what happened to him. He couldn't give a freaking damn if he died.

There was only one person he didn't want to lose, only one to whom he was willing to give himself body and soul to, even if it was for mere control. And he knew why.

It was love. Love had taken a grip of him, of his actions, of his heart. It tore him apart, left practically nothing for him.

He was shamelessly in love. In love with the one he had never wanted to fall for. In love with Sonic the Hedgehog.